It started with the initial belief that if peacocks could get mates with their feathers, so could humans. Unfortunately he had no feathers to draw attention away from his excuse of a face and terrible voice. A goat choking on a confused chameleon looked (and sounded) prettier. “I need those feathers”, he would say to himself every day. “Take away their feathers and they’re ugly too right?” was his motto.
Yes, he was not very smart either.
One day he looked into the dark, unforgiving and relentless forest and decided he had to-give up. Maybe tomorrow? Then he looked down at his Nikes and heard a voice, “Just do it”.
And he fearfully trotted into the woodland that had trees 3 meters away from each other. Yes he was not very brave either.
Nor was his navigating skills good.
“If only I had the feathers I could fly out of this mess in a ball of glory!”
Then finally, ages or minutes later he found it. A Peacock. “Yaaaaay!” he rejoiced loudly, scaring it off. “Dang it”.
But look! The vines the peacock was feeding on were oozing a strange tan liquid. He excitedly skipped to taste it, and scooped up a mouthful. “Peanut butter!” he exclaimed and begin to gnaw on the vine in a method superior to that of a hungry wolf. He followed the vine, hoping to reach heaven, but instead he found a tree, with a face.
“Are you the peanut butter-lord?”
“Oh dear. Another idiot. What do you want?”
“More sir, can I have some more?”
“I’m sick of this, for years you greedy humans have harvested my precious life-force from me. No more. Now I will-“
The human gagged.
“Why did you interrupt me? Anyway, I will-“
He gagged louder.
The tree glared at him.
The human’s eyes widened in shock ,”Oh no! I’m, I’m- allergic!”
“Oh so you’re chocking?” the tree asked calmly.
But the human couldn’t respond. He was making demonic retching sounds, grabbing his neck, hopping in all directions, making more noise.
“Are you human?” the tree asked, and for good reason. The sound the human made could never be represented on paper.
“Huh, so much for my revenge.”
“Ya “, a peacock who seemingly came out of nowhere said.
“Pea-Pea-Pea”, the human uttered. But he never finished his words.
“Did he have to, you know, go?”
And the woodland creatures will never know.